The K-O of a New Day

Nothing lasts forever. In the blink of an eye we can recover ourselves, or we can see the places that need healing.

I received four letters in the mail today! Three from far away, so beautiful and treasured, and Real. And one from myself written six months ago, then mailed by my beloved yoga teacher last week.

I told myself: Remember you are chosen by god. All the rest is back story. You are healing. Love, Sam

So on this day, post-fall, post-stitches, while my body aches and my eye is swollen half shut, I remember. I am healing. Even in this form, even in this now, when I am still hurt, I am healing.

When TEx and I were first dating, he went for a run, then returned, shaken and wet from the rain. He said, "A funny thing happened while I was running. I had a vision. You stabbed me in the heart with a steak knife."

He saw it. It was the first few months of our courtship and he saw that.
I felt I had to defend myself against this future that he had somehow foretold. I was put on red alert that I would one day break his heart, betray him, be the one to wield that knife. I saw that I was being watched, I had to make sure that didn't happen. And yet, it happened. I stabbed him in the heart with a steak knife.

Funny thing is, I knew he could see. 

And now, steak knife and all, two years after the decision to divorce and eleven years after the decision to marry me, he has the right woman. And we have our children.

So don't go thinking that the things you see aren't real, even if they don't make sense. Pay attention. Life knocks you down sometimes, puts nine stitches in your face and still tells you you are beautiful. That someone special loves you. That you have a future and a past unfolding in tandem and you are the link in the chain that holds it all. See?

We have to see. It's part of who we are, so pay attention. Notice. And act. Go forth into the new day, even if it's a knock-out steak knife in the heart fall down and split your face open shiner of a black eye day, and act.