The Same Things All Over Again...

I've been wanting to blog lately, but I've been waiting for things to change. Ha! Or at least for my mood to lift, or to have found a way to stop obsessing over the ways my ex-husband nullifies me at every turn.

I know, I know, only YOU can prevent forest fires! He can't make me feel anything I don't let him, yada yada... The thing is, my skin is thin these days. I'm not saying I'm not responsible... I know I am, but I have to find a way to toughen up... It's been challenging.

In divorce there seems to be a few trade-offs I wasn't aware of as acutely before I got divorced as I am now.

1. Time or money: The payoff of time, i.e. the faster you settle your divorce, the less money you end up with.
2. The meaning of the word "primary" - I'm not talking colors here, but parents. Apparently, we still live in a world where most often ONE parent is designated as primary. Not in the written divorce agreement but in life. Apparently this designation is tied to a) address b) money c) order of parents listed on forms d) who fills out said forms e) ex's absolute need to prove himself to be primary and make me secondary -- MUST WIN AT ALL COSTS
3. Division of property. While theoretically 50-50, this actually means whomever stays in the house keeps most of the stuff. After all, they're primary! And they keep everything from the yard, the garage, the shed, the patio, the patio furniture, household appliances, household maintenance tools, gardening supplies, garden additions, plants, and children's toys. Even and especially if parent moving out was the gardener. Oh, and all of this is without review, opportunity to question, argue, change or divide. It just is. Or we can go to court. Nice.
4. Whomever gets a new partner first wins. The second person to find a partner will be subject to scrutiny, judgement, and passive aggressive behavior up to and including the schedule, vacation time, vacation designation, family "rules", referring to the parenting agreement at every turn that suits first (should I say primary?) parent but ignoring it completely when it comes to second parent's rights and obligations...

OK, enough bitching for today. Tune in next week for another installment, hopefully more positive...